Why did I make the mistake? I think of myself as a competent, mature, professional. I have finally reached the stage in my life where I no longer feel like a child pretending to be an adult. Not that I am any different – it’s just that I have accepted that this is how life works, and I am always going to feel this way. I make the usual mistakes. Like my wife will ask me to pick up milk, bread, a paper and some ice, and I will come home with Milk and bread, maybe ice. But this mistake was bigger. This mistake was worse. Why did I make this mistake?
When I first came to Goddess she scared the crap out of me. I fell so fast, so hard, so deep I knew I would lose my very self to her. So I ran away for over a year. Obviously I came back. I resisted as long as I could. And when I came back I knew I would lose everything I am to her, but I no longer cared as long as I could have her sweet voice inside of my head controlling me. And over the last year since I have come back I have surrendered more and more, she has taken more and more, I have lost more and more. It was the best decision I ever made. I have found fulfillment, peace and bliss at Goddess Haylee’s feet.
Most recently it was accepting that if Goddess Haylee owns me she owns my money. That I needed to accept her command to send her 5% of everything I make. But how to send it to her? That amount starts to get hard to hide. I had been sending money to JohnDavid via PayPal, but it shows up on every monthly bank statement. At least Amazon payments on my credit card are hidden by so many other Amazon purchases made by my wife and kids. But a few hundred dollars per month would be impossible to explain if my wife ever caught them. So I decided to send cash via the mail. And that’s where I made my mistake.
I copied down the mailing address incorrectly so Goddess didn’t get the cash. How could I be so dumb. I am perfectly competent in so many things, why did I screw this up? How did I screw this up? Through Goddess’ training I realize I am not as together as I pretend to be. I have accepted that I am a submissive that needs guidance and control. I truly need Goddess Haylee. I don’t know if it was because I was so excited, or nervous, or just plain stupid, but I put the wrong address on the envelope I sent cash to Goddess in, and I didn’t put a return address on it because the only thing worse than my wife looking at the bank statement and saying, “Who are all these PayPal payments going to?” would be her getting an envelope addressed to another women with money in it!
So I thought, okay I’ll just get it right next time. I resisted the idea of sending it again. I told myself, ‘I don’t need to send her the money again. It’s not like a bill that they’ll turn off the water or something. I’ll just count it as loss and send her 5% of next pay check. It was a screw up. I don’t owe her anything.’ But I realized that I am totally frustrated that Goddess didn’t get my tribute and it is my fault. I live to please Goddess Haylee, and she can’t be pleased if she doesn’t get the tributes I send because I screwed up. I can’t blame her! I must please her and she is only pleased if she gets the money.
So I have decided that if the money doesn’t show up – it still might – but if it doesn’t I am going to send it all again. Goddess must be made whole on her 5%. I must please my Goddess even if I am a weak, little, submissive moron. I need Haylee – obviously!
Latest posts by slavejohn (see all)
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- A Guide For Those Who Seek True Submission To Goddess Haylee Lynn (Part 4) - April 24, 2017
- A Guide For Those Who Seek True Submission To Goddess Haylee Lynn (Part 3) - April 23, 2017