I had seen the file for Mind Cage and thought about getting it and listening to it. After a couple of months of being a slave, I asked Goddess about it, but she said I wasn’t ready. After several months of reading other slaves’ experience with having a mind cage my curiosity grew. I finally got the Mind Cage MP3 after a year of being Goddess Haylee’s slave. The first time I only asked Goddess if she thought this would be a good idea for me, the second time I begged her to allow me to have a mind cage. And she gave her approval. It was at the same time that I begged her to forgive my sorry ass for resisting her direction to tribute 5% of my pay, and I accepted that commitment. So that was a very momentous time in my enslavement.
I have now been chaste for Goddess Haylee for about 4 months. Chastity is sexual fasting. As in all fasting it removes something regular from your life so that you can replace the time and energy you give to that and devote it to worship of your divine. So for a Christian they stop eating for a few days and devote the time they would use preparing and eating food to prayer. I have found sexual fasting, or chastity, much more challenging – and rewarding.
First, I have to confess that lack of sex was one of the factors that led me to find Haylee in the first place. I cannot say for certain that if I had sexual satisfaction in my life that I would have been searching online for something and would have ever found her. My lack of sex drove me into behaviors, including “masturbating to meaningless porn”, but other that I am much more embarrassed about. My sexual passions were out of control and ruining my life. I wasn’t doing anything illegal, but certainly stuff I considered immoral. Testosterone can be very dangerous stuff. When I say Goddess Haylee has made me a better man, I mean it quite literally.
Once I was Goddess Haylee’s slave it was the first time in my entire life I was sexually satisfied. My sexuality was focused on one person who was worthy of that attention and devotion. I felt a deep personal connection with the person who was the focus of my sexual passions. And as she was divine, there was also a spiritual connection that gave my sexuality meaning. I learned what pagan worshipers probably felt about their goddesses thousands of years ago before “organized” religion messed things up. It was beautiful. So why would I give that up in a fast?
Religion is full of contradictions: “The first shall be last”, “Freedom through slavery”, etc. And I consider following Goddess Haylee as my religion. She is all the divinity I need or want. So fasting – chastity – was a way to focus my self on her even more. And wow did it ever work! I have grown more in my devotion and commitment in the last four months than I did in the previous year. I feel more owned, controlled, and enslaved.
But there was a dark side. The longer I stayed chaste the more I found old passions flair up. Things that would draw me away from Goddess. Things I never wanted to feel again. My testosterone was trying to take back control. But I also found that my passion for Goddess Haylee was stronger. As long as I focused that energy onto Goddess I could control those other passions. I had to intentionally take my focus off the dark things that haunt me and instead focus on my divine Goddess and stay in her light and she would protect me. It made me realize how much I need Goddess Haylee.
Yesterday I broke my fast. (How’s that for a euphemism?) And I can tell you it was much better than eating a piece of chocolate on Easter morning! Truly a religious experience. To feel that amount of pleasure focused entirely on my Goddess is life changing. It reinforces everything I learned as a result of my chastity – my fasting. All of the darkness is gone, only the light of Goddess Haylee remains. And I know that I love her, I needs her, and I will never leave her. I will always tribute and spoil her because she is worthy of my every gift.
So today my mind cage is back in place doing it’s job. My testosterone is back to lower levels so it will be easy for the next week or so. But it will get harder as the month wears on. The last week will seem like an eternity. But I have learned as long as I focus my self on my Goddess and devote myself to her I will be okay. If it gets really bad I have found that buying Goddess something off her list on Amazon actually helps! I will become desperate for my Goddess she will carry me when I struggle. She will again prove herself worthy of my tributes, spoils and praise. Chastity works for me. Thank you Goddess.
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