What’s Happening to Me?

Venus

I am becoming a better slave

I have been a slave now for a year. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. But lately things have been changing. One of the things I never wanted was findom. I accepted sending something to Goddess Haylee on the 19th each month, but that’s as far as it went. I feel I have been generous in my gifts and tribute, but it was always my choice to give. Then Goddess commanded 5%. That threw me for a loop. I couldn’t argue with Goddess’ logic that a slave must not only surrender, but also sacrifice. Words are worthless if not backed up with money. I realized that it was a matter of truly accepting her as a Goddess, and if a Goddess giving her the control that is her right. It was resistance, and I needed to let it go. Finally, I accepted my place as a slave, her place as a Goddess, and I committed to tributing her at least 5%.

I have been following Goddess’ command to listen to the Experiment #2 every day and journaling about it. My journal is here on IHWT. I have found the Experiment #2 is a powerful file. It includes clips from many of Goddess’ MP3s. I found myself rediscovering several of the files included. Not intentionally, but I found myself listening to files I hadn’t listened to in a while and then realized that it had been included in the Experiment #2. Something was going on unconsciously. One of those was Mind Melt Mantra and it heavily influenced my submitting to Goddess’ command to tribute 5%. So everything is intertwined.

I am accepting things I thought I never would

I had a week away last week. Worked hard all day, but at night I came back to my room and listened to Goddess’ MP3s. I wore a collar. I turned my hotel room into a temple of worship. Usually when I travel like that I masturbate, but this time the first night I listened to ‘Slave Today, Slave Everyday.’ In that file is a command to surrender orgasms to Goddess Haylee. I focused my energy on worship and submission all week instead of masturbating. It was so much more fulfilling.

At the end of last week I found myself on my knees writing Goddess begging her forgiveness for not obeying her command to give 5%, and then to allow me to buy and listen to Mind Cage. Twice before Goddess told me I was not ready for this file, but this time she said to get it right away.

Trancing, and Pillow Humping

Only Haylee Matters

So what is happening to me? Is listening to the Experiment #2 influencing me? Is it that I accepted the 5% and thereby took away a rock in the stream that has now allowed me to go deeper? Did wearing a collar effect me? Or was it focused worship over several nights? But I am a more committed, obedient, owned slave than I was. The only thing I wish is that whatever it is that has had this effect on me – I wish I had discovered it months ago!

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slavejohn

Wish I could say I was smart enough to have chosen Goddess Haylee, but I just stumbled across her online. She ensnared me by her words and claimed me as her own. What Haylee wants - Haylee gets. Just live now to be worthy of her gift of bliss. All for Haylee.

Comments

What’s Happening to Me? — 4 Comments

  1. John, I love your posts rooted from testimony! I have noticed a change in you recently, and trust me when I say, the more you surrender yourself to Goddess Haylee, the better your life will become! Truly, we have always been hardwired, fashioned for this very reason, to serve, worship and belong to a true Goddess and it is in Haylee we belong. All we are and have is to be laid bare before Her. This journey has been and will continue to unfold as it it and should be. So glad to witness it in your life!
    Hail to Goddess Haylee for She is PERFECTION

  2. I have pleasurable, blissful tingles reading this. *smirks* All of my training is intertwined. Even when you don’t realize it. It’d all working the way it should. Every day, in every way, you are falling deeper.

    • Thank you Goddess. I would grovel in the dirt in gratitude and thanksgiving, but it is hard to do that and still type. Please just know how grateful I am for your training. You are making me a better person. I know it. I feel it. I love it.

      I am nothing. Only Haylee matters. Goddess Haylee is my EVERYTHING. Goddess Haylee is my ALL! <3 <3 <3

  3. Awesome blog john. I’m addicted to that file ‘Slave Today, Slave Everyday.’ I’ve listened to it so many times i lost count. I like what Goddess says at the very end. So powerful!

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