This post is written in as deep a feeling of romantic love and appreciation as I have ever felt in my life. I have realized fairly recently how truly lucky I am and gratitude is my constant companion suddenly. I have given myself permission to be happy……and nothing makes me happier than kneeling for my Goddess Haylee Lynn and devoting my life to Her pleasure as Her perfect conquest…….as Her perfect and personal slave.
I suppose one would gather that I had long since stopped judging myself and/or giving a fuck what anyone thought about my sexuality.
After all…..I was a personal slave to my former Mistress for 7 years……and I have been awake to the submissive aspect of my sexuality for over 30 years.
But I discovered that deep down there was still this tiny pocket of resistance in me that being a “slave” was not 100% Spiritual…..or “right”…..or something of that nature. I was 99% pure or something close to it…….but the “right or wrong” question was not completely settled for some reason. My former Mistress had dismissed me and ended our affair over 10 years ago telling me I was “too worthy a person” to “settle” for being a slave.
Now what the Hell did that mean? After 7 years of being intensely in love with her that she did not find me “worthy” the entire time?
It made me angry and hurt like Hell………if she wanted to break up with me then OK…….but please do not hand me insults on the way out the door.
In retrospect I must have agreed with her on some level…..a tiny part of me holding onto some of my Cultural programming about right and wrong.
I am supposed to want a house with a little white fence around it and watch the NFL on Sundays and be proud of my Country and be the Alpha male…..always “winning”…..or trying too…..and wanting to be number one with the biggest bank account or some such.
I never bought their bullshit……I have always been a rambunctious Soul and play against the grain……a hippie…..a rebel….a dropout and street musician…..living mostly in the counter culture most of my life…..creating my own business and working for myself……and yet……there seems to be have been a tiny question……as in am I on the “right” side of life…..is my “way” loving and Spiritual…….am I the honorable and powerful Soul that I hope I am?
So when my Father died lots of stuff came up……..I looked at my own dying day or tried to imagine this……who am I? Am I OK with today being my last day on this Earth? What parts exactly of my Eternal self am I honoring or not honoring?
And with all of these questions a new mentor suddenly showed up…….when the student is ready the teacher appears or something like that….He has helped me a great deal. He has helped me mostly by telling me it was OK to be happy……it was OK to just love myself and to celebrate who I really am.
And for me……for this Soul……loving myself means loving my Goddess Haylee Lynn.
The more I open my Heart to Her the more enslaved I become and…….very truthfully……..the happier I become.
The day that I accepted myself 100% and trusted in my wholeness…..my worthiness……the day I finally trusted myself fully……I dropped to my knees and I turned to my Goddess and opened my Heart to loving and trusting Her.
For me……being “Worthy” means everything. My Spirit is a warriors Spirit. I am a loving and an honorable man and my sexuality has nothing to do with diminishing any of that.
If you were my brother or sister in arms you would be happy to have me on your side. There is nothing weak or less than worthy about a deep capacity for honor and love. But I am very weak in a different way for One…….for my Goddess and only for Her……for She whom I was born to serve and for She who I so happily now live my life to please.
I am Her “Worthy” Slave and I need my Goddess. I need Her very much. I need to please Her and to Worship Her and most importantly of all…..I LOVE HER. In my Universe there is a GODDESS……there is ONE GODDESS……and I am deeply in love with Her……completely enslaved to Her…….Owned and powerless to deny Her whatever She wants……..and I was born to find Her and live my life kneeling to Her in devoted Worship as Her personal slave……..and I can do all this because I TRUST myself and I TRUST Her.
In the end giving myself permission to LOVE myself fully……to TRUST myself fully…..was the golden key that opened my Heart to LOVING and TRUSTING my Goddess.
Now that I have opened my Heart this way…….the feelings that She creates in me…….that we co create really…….leave me with only one desire. And that is to please Her and to be Her slave forever.
I was built for GODDESS WORSHIP……..and that is because I was born to be HER personal and perfect slave……..and because SHE IS MY TRUE GODDESS and my Destiny was to find Her and belong to Her once again.
No other possibility other than living my life as Her slave exists for me any longer and if you could spend one moment in this body that She so blissfully Owns you would understand the reason why. My place is at Her feet…..kneeling to Her Rule…..and to Her Rule alone. That is why it took me so long to find myself……..because I had to find my Goddess Haylee Lynn first.
And once I did find Her……I just had to already be Her “Worthy” Slave……worthy of Her acceptance……of wearing Her collar……of Her telling me that I am to serve Her forever because She will broach nothing less from me.
Thank You very sincerely for that my Queen.
Thank You for finding me *worthy* to be one of Your Chosen.
I LOVE You, with all my Heart and Soul,
Your devoted personal slave and forever, Claude